We’d like to welcome Catawba & Jigger to the Old Natchtoches Parish Magazine. We are thrilled to have such local sages offering their home-spun wisdom to our readers and those of you who have known them for decades will, no doubt, enjoy the knowledge and special point of view they have to offer. If you have questions or topics you would like to have Catawba & Jigger discuss, please email them to .

Prayin’ in da skools
Da other night, over a ounce or two o’ mooshine, we wuz cogitatin’ on da state of affairs in da local publick skools when da subject of prayer came up. Now, we all knows dat can conjure up a pile o’ arguin’ and fussin, an’ we is a might concerned ‘bout stirrin’ da pot over sumpthin like dis, but here we goes.
Dere bees dose folks who tinks dat prayin’ oughta be left to da person doin’ da prayin’ and dat the guvmint oughta keep dey nose oughta da whole affair. We ain’t no “consitutional scholarsâ€? and we ain’t gonna axe da lawering skool in Baton Rouge fo’ no opinion, neither–but dose folks dat don’t want no prayer in da skools gots dere own opinion an’ a little mo’ dan a few court cases ta backs ‘em up.
On da other hand (since we used da right hand on da las’ opinon, dis time we’ll use da left hand), dere also bees a skool ‘o thought dat dis country wuz founded on da Jew and Christian believin’ dat folks oughta have some solid upbringin’ on tings dats got morals and dat a little prayin’ might be good fo’ da soul, not ta mention, behavin’. Den, o’ course, we’s all aware dat da preacher an’ da church sexretary spends a powerful lot o’ time together.
Catawba & Jigger figures dat both sides o’ da arguin’ gots ‘em some pretty good points, but bein’ da casual observers o’ da human race dat we been fo’ lo’ so many years, we offer da followin’ observatin’. As long as dey bee doin’ arithmetic testin’, dey is gonna be prayin’ in a skools. Iffin ya wants to stop skool prayin’ ya needs ta stop givin’ arithmetic tests�period.

NASCAR
Ooooeeeee, dats a big one. We gots a letter from a pot-stirrer da other day ‘bout NASCAR. (Fo’ you dat don’t knows it, deys da folks dat go around in a circle real fas’ and never gets no-where. Ya onstly gots ta know two tings ta bee a NASCAR driver… go fas’, an’ turn left.) Well, da letter wuz askin’ Catawba & Jigger iffin we thought dat dey oughta stop da racin’ due to da high price of gasoline an’ how much gasoline dey waste racin’ around, goin’ nowhere?
We cogitated on dis one fer a while (Dis one wuz a two-six-pack cogitatin’ session) befo’ it came inta focus. Dey races around and wastes up a whole bunch o’ high-test. Dey ain’t burnin’ up no gasohol. Besides, all o’ da rednecks like Catawba & Jigger dat drives ta da racin’ is burnin’ up mo’ gas dan da race. An’ we ain’t even figured in da extra gas dat would be burnt up iffin dere was no racin’ on TV. All o’ dose TV-watchin’ rednecks would be out drivin’ around instead o’ sittin’ behind dere beer-bellies or under dere beehive big-hairdos. Dey’d hafta entertain each other and dat could result in mo’ fights dan da courts could adjudimacate.
Nope, we cain’t do witout NASCAR. When we gets down ta da las’ tousand gallons o’ gasoline on da planet, we’s gonna have da las’ NASCAR race. Dat’ll be the day befo’ da big revolution. Catawba & Jigger’s gonna go fishin’ dat day.

OBAMA or McCAIN?
Folks jus’ won’t leave us alone ‘bout who we gonna vote fer fo’ President. We is already getting’ a might wore out on da ‘lectin’ process and we ain’t done yet. All da news is ‘bout two folks dat wants ta tell us all what ta do. Das’ all. Nothin’ mo’. Which one gets ta tell us what ta do an’ how much o’ our beer money we gots ta send ‘em every year is all dis is about as far as Catawba & Jigger can see. It’s ‘bout our beer money.

Well, so who do we votes fo’? We been tinkin’ on dis real hard. We don’ like warrin’ but we don’ like mo’ taxes, neither. One politician wants ta keep on keepin’ on (which ain’t been all dat bad fo’ our beer, ceegars, an runnin’ around) while da other politician wants at make a big change. Well, Catawba & Jigger recollects da time dat dey was keepin’ Cousin Jessie’s new baby an all we can remember ‘bout dat ‘sperience was when we wuz done wit’ da changin’, what was inside!
We is a might concerned dat da real issue beein’ over-looked. We in da Land o’ LS&U better be payin’ close attention. We remembers Saint Nick. He took our Tigers ta da big dance in 2003. We remembers how he bolted ta leave us behind, too. Den he ends up wit a big, fancy car an’ a big office in Tuscaloosa. Nah, OBAMA, sounds way too much like Go-BAMA fo’ any self-respectin’ Tiger…. we jus’ cain’t say it. An’ dats dat.